“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.” ~ Nora Roberts
I’ve had some interesting conversations since last month’s blog post, “You’ve Got a Friend.” I received feedback from a variety of women who say they have trouble asking for help. I don’t want to bother anybody. I feel like I feel incompetent when I can’t do things myself. She is so busy, I can’t ask her for a favor.
Yet, so often we sit home alone wishing we had a friend to visit or talk with or someone to help us with something we can’t do ourselves. It turns out that most of us are well trained in the art of giving and being of service. We love to give to others! We are quick to respond to preparing a meal, running an errand, taking someone to a doctor appointment. But asking for ourselves brings up feelings of guilt, shame and fear of rejection.
Asking for help requires vulnerability. We are admitting that something is too difficult to do alone. We are acknowledging our limitations and that can feel risky. Many of us were raised with messages that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. If we cried, we were told to “get over it” or “toughen up.” If we struggled, we were encourage to “power through.” That old programming is still operating in the background and often stops us from moving forward.
It takes courage to ask for support or help. Here are some tips that may come in handy:
1.Identify what you need. Is it a ride to the doctor? Help with a household chore? It can be even as simple as asking to talk on the phone.
2. Be clear and direct. When I was moving, I asked a friend to come over for two hours to help me pack a section of my kitchen. Ask for specific task and time if possible.
3. Accept help graciously. There is no need to apologize or make excuses. Accept their help with grace. Be willing to receive.
4. Express gratitude and appreciation. Acknowledging their help is a way of respecting their time and effort.
5. Pay attention to the times you are willing to receive. Record the experience in your journal. It can help you build confidence and self-respect.
I was not a receptive receiver for a very long time. I was only willing if I could control the outcome. Once I became aware that my resistance was blocking the universal flow, I was able to open my mind to receive. Receive not only on a physical level, but also being open to divine wisdom and grace.
Be willing. Be open. Allow yourself to receive.
Affirm: I am willing to receive all the Universe has to offer.
A must-read and beautifully stated.
Hi Terry, So great to hear from you. Thanks so much for your feedback. Hope all is well with you and Lisa. Hugs to you both.
I love this so much — for both myself, my friends and my clients! Women – at least those of my generation — were raised to “serve” others before serving themselves, to always put others first. And now we’ve come to a time in our lives where it just isn’t working for us anymore. So thanks Rev Christine for starting us down the path of “allowing ourselves to receive” completing the Spiritual Principle of Divine Circulation!
Yes, Divine Circulation! Give graciously and receive graciously. Thanks so much. I appreciate you!